Letter to my daughter when she is eight

My beloved daughter, 

I can't believe you are eight years old now! You are such a force of positive energy! Whenever mama thinks about you, the image of you hopping and jumping with an ear-to-ear smile on your face enters my mind. You are a powerful sun ray that can pierce through thick, gloomy clouds; you brighten the lives of everyone around you.  

You have a heart of gold. You are compassionate, understanding, and gentle. You are a great companion to people; you feel what people feel and are almost always considerate towards others. You are also the protector of all animals; you connect with all animals and care for them. Your favorite are dogs; you have been begging us to get you a puppy since you started speaking at two years old. 

Every night, you remind mama at least ten times to put out cat food for Jiji, the stray cat we couldn't adopt, but our neighbors did. Because Jiji came to our house first to seek refugee, we consider him "ours" and would love to pamper him with some treats in the garden. That might have caused him to be slightly overweight because our sweet neighbors care for him well. Hence, we switched to a "weight control" brand of cat food and reduced the amount of our secret treats for him. 

You struck a deal with us to get a puppy on your 10th birthday, under the condition of excelling in maths, reading, coding, and fencing. You are on track to realize the terms of the deal and will eventually succeed in honoring the agreement. We are all so proud of you!

Talking about being proud, mama is so very proud today watching you win most of the fights on the fencing field with your classmates. You are naturally built to excel in fencing; you have lightning-fast reflexes and an incredibly agile mind; You understand complex strategies and are confident to use them; your body is compact, flexible, with surprising strength; but most importantly, you have genuinely put in work and improved significantly since the past year. 

Whenever I check in with your coaches, lovely Coach Bogdan and Ilya from Ukraine, they have great words about your potential and praise your efforts. Mama hopes you continue to make a great effort to learn to fence, be more focused and disciplined, and one day win in regional and national competitions. 

I am delighted you have found and are sticking to your favorite sport after trying out Taekwondo, gymnastics, horse riding, skiing, and swimming for years. You are a talented athlete and active person; I'm sure you will enjoy recreational skiing, swimming, and horse riding throughout your lifetime.  

Last year, we both experienced great excitement cheering for Kamala Harris when she was fighting the presidential election in America, remember? Mama has never taken down the signs of her name from your window and wall of your bedroom, mama's laptop, and Tesla, too. It will remain one of the most cherished memories of your childhood when a brave and accomplished woman who looked exactly like you fought to protect this country, freedom, and democracy. 

Remember the birth dream I had when you were residing inside mama's belly? Mama has a surreal sense that what I saw in that dream is happening now - the world is being ravaged by a gang of giant snakes. And remember the ending of the dream? You are the breathtaking black female snake who will save our forest. Mama can't predict the future, but I can put seeds in your heart, seeds of compassion, confidence, and love. 

No matter what you choose to do in the future, you can choose whatever you want by the way, remember to root yourself in the ground, deep and wide. And the ground comprises Mother Earth that gave birth to you, the voiceless and powerless people who desperately need your help, and the wise voices from human's past. Mama has unwavering faith that you will help make this world a better place, kinder and more tolerant, full of love but not hatred. 

Mama is deeply sorry that I was not capable of changing the world for you, and you still need to face gender and racial discrimination growing up. But hey, we are strong girls and women right? Making the world a better place for the billions of girls and women around the globe is not going to be a task of one generation. I will never stop fighting for it and stand by your side when you are big enough to fight. 

Yes, generally speaking, girls and women are born smaller physically, but our brains are as big as boys' and men's, as fast as well. Whatever they can use their brains to do, we surely can. The truth is women have been put down for thousands of years in past human history; we have lost the sense of how powerful we actually are. Why do we compare to men's achievements? Isn't our current world built by them and filled with constant conflicts, wars, chaos, and self-destruction? We have got to jump out of the box when it comes to reimagining a better world, a world profoundly connected by respect, understanding, and love. Love is what our brains and hearts are most renowned for, and we shall be brave enough to reclaim the space for it in this world and heal it.   

My beautiful daughter, mama is so thrilled that I have brought you here with us. With your enthusiasm and optimism, your endurance and perseverance, and your infinite ability to love and care, you will make a difference in many people's lives.  

Mama is proud of you and loves you forever and ever!

Love 

2025.2.22

Letter to Shiv when he is ten

My dearest son Shiv,

Suddenly, you are ten years old. 

The memory of having the birth dream of you at the very beginning of my journey with you is still fresh in my mind. I saw Lord Shiv, I heard his voice calming me down, "Don't be afraid, I am Shiva." As if he were my protector, he would ensure I am well cared for. And you are him, aren't you? Will you take care of us like how Lord Shiva takes care of us?  

I have faith in you. I know you will grow into a responsible person who respects and cares. 

Growing up is difficult, isn't it? Every day, your ability to master various things grows a little; every day, you gain a little more confidence about yourself; every day, your friends are a little more surprised about how smart and capable you are. But still, you are a kid who lives under our roof; we restrict, discipline, sometimes scold, and punish you. 

I know you take pressure from being the best in class: always get full marks in math, comprehension, and writing tests; always know the answers to questions nobody has an idea; always the most loved and praised student by teachers. 

Some of this pressure is good because it motivates you to make more effort to study and be responsible in school. But please don't take the pressure too far. I am forty years old now; one of the most important things I have learned from my life experience and encounters with others is Not to take yourself too seriously but to enjoy this unique journey.

Life is just a journey. Sometimes, you will have companies like Aditi, mama, and papa, like your current friends; but sometimes, in your journey, you will find out that you could be entirely by yourself. Only you will be there for yourself from the beginning to the end. Therefore, make sure you can answer to yourself about who you are, about what kind of a human being you want to be, about what you truly enjoy doing, and about where you want to go. 

You can take advice from the people around you, but please don't feel pressured by them. You might feel that you are "an important person" among your classmates because of your high marks, but in reality, none of such sentiment does really last or matter. 

Keep your own pace growing, you don't always need to be the best. See if you can answer these questions to yourself: if you made an effort to learn, if you are better than last time, and if you remain kind, respectful, and helpful to people around you. If you can always answer these questions to yourself, then it's unnecessary to compare yourself with the other and try to be "the best". Labels are for people who don't have a strong anchor inside of their hearts.

Mama gets especially angry with you when you forget to respect gonggong and popo, right? I know you have your reasons, you have your own way of thinking and doing things. But I want you to learn to look into yourself first before finding faults in others. Failing to do so, you will act entitled and disrespectful. And that's unpleasant for anyone under any circumstance. 

Gonggong and popo have lived most of their lives the way they did, and there is no need, actually, it's nearly impossible for them to adapt and change now. What hardship did they experience while growing up? How did they struggle, for 5, 6 decades, to make a family and care for all the family members? You have absolutely no idea, do you? How can it be fair to demand that they adapt to your thinking and way of life? The tears they have cried are more than the water you have drunk. 

And can't you see that they work so hard to give us all a good life? Popo wakes up every morning at 5:30am to make fresh breakfast for you and Aditi, she packs homemade lunch and snacks for you. Popo would spend a whole day busy in the kitchen just to make whatever you and Aditi like to eat, with the best raw ingredients. Gonggong washes clothes and dries them, cleans the floor, and arranges the yard. Gonggong drops you off at school every day and picks you up too. They clean up our whole house, change our bedsheets every few days, vacum and dust too. They take you to music, fencing, and robotics classes. They buy groceries for the house. Can't you see how hard they work for us? This is their own way of showing how much they love us. Love in action is most definitely much more powerful than only in words.

True strength comes from understanding, patience, and tolerance for the people closest to you. Mama wants you to be strong inside of your heart; hence, start practicing being patient and tolerant with the people who are closest to you, like Aditi, popo, and gonggong. Try to understand why they act the way they did before you react, try to use a calmer voice when you approach the problem with them, and try to ask yourself if there was anything you did wrong, could do better, or could help in this case. With more kind approaches, you will get stronger inside, and the inner strength will be invaluable for you one day. 

Shiv, you are a very kind human being born with a golden heart. You feel what people feel and sympathize with people's suffering and struggles. Mama wants you to actively maintain this beautiful nature with kind acts, especially to the people you live with. Mama wants you to build up true strength inside with this gift that gods and goddesses gave you. We all are so profoundly proud of you!

And always remember that Mama is here to guide you, help you, and love you forever and ever.  

Love, Mama

2025.1.21